- Stage One: You believe in Santa.
- Stage Two: You don’t believe in Santa.
- Stage Three: You are Santa.
- Stage Four: You look like Santa.
the E is silent
Just My Thoughts...How I was feeling @ the time
Monday, December 25, 2017
The Four Stages of Life
Saturday, May 27, 2017
The Pond
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the
back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some apple and peach trees.
One evening, the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while,
and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he
saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his
presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!”
The old man frowned, “I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get
out of the pond naked.”
Holding the bucket up, he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator.”
Friday, March 31, 2017
Seems Fair
A husband and wife stood in a courtroom waiting to hear the
judge’s ruling on their divorce proceedings.
“Sir, I have reviewed this case very carefully,” the judge
said, “and I’ve decided to give your wife $1,000 a week.”
“That seems fair, Your Honor,” the husband replied, “and
every now and then I’ll try to send her a few dollars myself.”
Friday, March 24, 2017
Since the beginning of time women have been saying that
giving birth is more painful than a guy getting kicked in the testicles. Here
is proof that they are wrong: A year or so after giving birth, a woman will
often say, “It would be nice to have another child.” But you will never hear a
man say, “ I could go for another kick in the nuts.”
Tuesday, March 21, 2017
A racist walks into a bar
A racist walks into a crowded bar. He looks around and sees a black man sittingt in a corner. The racist walks up to the bar, turns around and announces, "I'm going to buy everyone in this bar a free drink, except for that black guy over there!" Everybody is clapping and cheering for the racist and when he buys the last pint, the black man turns around, puts his thumb up and says, "Thanks buddy!" The racist is slightly puzzled by his reaction but doesn't pay too much attention to it.
The next night, the racist goes into the same bar and again, there is the same black guy sitting in the corner, so the man, again, goes to the bar, turns around and says, "I'm going to buy everyone here a free drink, except for that black guy over there!" The crowd are all ecstatic and are hugging and cheering the racist for his generosity. When he buys the last pint, the black guy turns around, puts his thumb up and says, "Thanks buddy!" The racist scratches his head and asks the bartender, "Why is that black guy thanking me when he's the only person I'm not buying drinks for?"
"Well" the bartender responds, "he owns this place.
Friday, March 17, 2017
Do I know U?
A man was in a supermarket when an attractive women waved,
walked up to him and said hello. He was taken aback because he couldn’t place
where he knew her from.
“How do I know you?” he asked.
She replied, “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”
The man though back to the only time he had ever been
unfaithful to his wife.
“My God!.” He said, “Are you the stripper from my bachelor
party who had sex with me on the pool table while all my buddies watched and
while I licked whip crème off your partner’s boobs?”
“No!” she said calmly. “I’m your son’s grade school teacher.”
Friday, March 10, 2017
Getting It In
An elderly couple had been dating for several months when
the man finally decided to broach the subject of physical relations.
“What are your thoughts on sex at our age?” he asked
tentatively
“I like it infrequently.” She replied
The man sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses,
leaned in closer towards her and said, “Just to clarify, was that one word or
two?”
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