The Four Stages of Life

• Stage One: You believe in Santa.
• Stage Two: You don’t believe in Santa.
• Stage Three: You are Santa.
• Stage Four: You look like Santa.

The Pond

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the
back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some apple and peach trees.

One evening, the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while,
and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he
saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his
presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!”

The old man frowned, “I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get
out of the pond naked.”

Holding the bucket up, he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator.”

Seems Fair

A husband and wife stood in a courtroom waiting to hear the judge’s ruling on their divorce proceedings.

“Sir, I have reviewed this case very carefully,” the judge said, “and I’ve decided to give your wife $1,000 a week.”

“That seems fair, Your Honor,” the husband replied, “and every now and then I’ll try to send her a few dollars myself.”

Since the beginning of time women have been saying that giving birth is more painful than a guy getting kicked in the testicles. Here is proof that they are wrong: A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, “It would be nice to have another child.” But you will never hear a man say, “ I could go for another kick in the nuts.”

A racist walks into a bar

A racist walks into a crowded bar. He looks around and sees a black man sittingt in a corner. The racist walks up to the bar, turns around and announces, "I'm going to buy everyone in this bar a free drink, except for that black guy over there!" Everybody is clapping and cheering for the racist and when he buys the last pint, the black man turns around, puts his thumb up and says, "Thanks buddy!" The racist is slightly puzzled by his reaction but doesn't pay too much attention to it.

The next night, the racist goes into the same bar and again, there is the same black guy sitting in the corner, so the man, again, goes to the bar, turns around and says, "I'm going to buy everyone here a free drink, except for that black guy over there!" The crowd are all ecstatic and are hugging and cheering the racist for his generosity. When he buys the last pint, the black guy turns around, puts his thumb up and says, "Thanks buddy!" The racist scratches his head and asks the bartender, "Why is that black guy thanking me when he's the only person I'm not buying drinks for?"

"Well" the bartender responds, "he owns this place.

Do I know U?

A man was in a supermarket when an attractive women waved, walked up to him and said hello. He was taken aback because he couldn’t place where he knew her from.

“How do I know you?” he asked.

She replied, “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”

The man though back to the only time he had ever been unfaithful to his wife.

“My God!.” He said, “Are you the stripper from my bachelor party who had sex with me on the pool table while all my buddies watched and while I licked whip crème off your partner’s boobs?”

“No!” she said calmly. “I’m your son’s grade school teacher.”

Getting It In

An elderly couple had been dating for several months when the man finally decided to broach the subject of physical relations.

“What are your thoughts on sex at our age?” he asked tentatively

“I like it infrequently.” She replied

The man sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned in closer towards her and said, “Just to clarify, was that one word or two?”

Hot Chocolate & Viagra

A man went to visit his elderly father in a nursing home. He noticed that the nurse had given him hot chocolate and Viagra. The man asked the nurse, "Why are you doing that?"

The nurse said, "The hot chocolate will help him sleep."

The man said and "The Viagra?"

The nurse replied " Oh, that keeps him from falling out of the bed."

A Busload of Politiciains

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer, after seeing what had happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole to bury the politicians.

A few days later the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The old farmer said he had buried them.

The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Were they all dead?"

The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."

15-Year-Old Comes Home In A Porsche

A 15-year-old came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that car?"


He calmly told them, "I bought it today."

"With what money?!" demanded his parents. "We know what a Porsche costs."

"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me $15."

The parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for $15?!" they asked.

"It was the lady up the street," said the boy. "Don't know her name. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for $15."

"Oh my goodness," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on."

So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting flowers. He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for $15 and demanded to know why she did it.

"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but I learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn't intend to come back. He asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did."

Damon Braces

Damon braces are self-ligating appliances that are fitted in the same way as traditional metal braces. But instead of having brackets that tighten and adjust the braces regularly, Damon braces use a slide mechanism that attaches wires to brackets to move naturally with the teeth as they realign. This makes them more comfortable, better looking and able to provide strong results in a shorter time.
These braces use a different method for moving teeth into the right position. The braces are attached to memory wire that connects slide brackets without the pressure that traditional elastics often produce. They are then set to move your teeth gradually, tightening over time. The process uses less force than traditional braces, which often require supplemental treatment through tooth extractions and palatal expanders.

Advantages

• Damon braces have a number of benefits over traditional braces. These include:
• Appearance. Their clear brackets make them more aesthetically pleasing because they are virtually invisible.
• Faster treatment time. A comparative study showed patients finished their treatment 7.2 months earlier than those with traditional braces.
• Less in-office maintenance. The study showed patients needed nearly half as many appointments to have the appliances adjusted manually.
• Less pressure on the teeth, resulting in less pain. Patients reported 60 percent less discomfort with Damon braces.
• Less friction, which avoids erosion and deterioration of the teeth.
• Fewer places for plaque and bacteria to accumulate on the braces. 
• Clinical studies have found that Damon braces are more effective at correcting severe crowding, are more comfortable and have a lower relapse rate, according to Apple Orthodontix.

Cost

Damon braces can cost anywhere from $3,800 to $8,000, depending on the degree of correction you need. Most dental insurance plans and flexible spending accounts (FSAs) can be allocated to treatment with Damon braces. You can also look for an orthodontist who offers a payment plan for the treatment.

Disadvantages

• Damon braces aren't all perfect. Unfortunately, they also:
• Have metal wires that are visible to others, so you can't escape the metal-mouth look entirely. However, you can opt for Damon Clear to avoid the metal brackets and minimize the visibility of the braces even further.
• Are irritating to wear for the first few days until you get used to them, according to the Friendly Dental group.
• Cost more than traditional braces.

Other clear aligners such as Invisalign® also offer the opportunity to straighten teeth without wearing traditional metal braces. Not everyone is a candidate for Invisalign, however, which is most effectively used when you only need mild correction.

So what are damon braces? An orthodontic option for those looking for an alternative to traditional braces. But remember, only accredited orthodontic professionals can fit Damon braces, so be sure to do your homework before pursuing your new smile.

SOURCE: http://www.colgate.com/en/us/oc/oral-health/cosmetic-dentistry/adult-orthodontics/article/sw-281474979322253

Finally Got My Braces

Today was the big day and I finally got my braces on. I got the braces that use "doors" not rubber bands. I really don't know the difference but the orthodontist asked if mined getting those. He explained why and the difference but I wasn't really paying attention. I did research them online and found out they are called Damon Braces System. Getting the braces installed was easy and took about 45 minutes. First she cleaned them but not the way the dentist does, more like a quick clean. Then she dried them. Next the Orthodontist applied the glue and brackets, then heated them with the heating tool that just made a beeping noise. Then the wire was placed in the brackets and the doors were closed. Then the she removed the stuff in my mouth that was holding it open and asked me to bite down. I really couldn't cause some of the brackets were in the way. She moved and adjusted some until I was able to close without any problems.  It was really quick and painless. I did not experience any pain, just a slight discomfort. I was able to talk normally but it was different because of the braces. Also I discovered that with braces in your mouth, your mouth produces a lot of saliva. My mouth felt full of saliva all day. You have to be careful not to spit when you talk.

Googling about Braces

15 days until I get my braces, I am so nervous. I have been reading and researching on the internet all day. This is probably not helping my apprehension about the treatment but it is good to know what to expect. I have learnt a lot of things about cleaning and brushing with braces. It's appears to be a tedious and time consuming task as I will have to brush after every mean and floss. I don't like flossing and rarely do. One thing I have learned about is a WaterPik which is basically a home version of the water jet spray that the dentist uses. I think I am going to invest in one of those but they seem so bulky even the cordless portable ones. With all the research, I began contemplating backing out of the treatment but that isn't going to happen. I am too invested in the treatment and would hate to not get the treatment.  I know this will be a long and adventitious journey and I look forward to taking it. In the meantime, I will be enjoying my last 15 days of eating whatever the F I want to. I've had a Snicker's bar everyday since my consultation. I love Snickers. Since Dr. V hasn't given me a list of foods not to eat, I really don't know what I need to indulge in but I'm sure the internet will tell me.

New Year, New Me

Today, I made a life changing first step. Well second step, I went to my Orthodontist Appointment. The first step was making the orthodontist appointment. The appointment went smoothly and the doctor and staff were very friendly.  After completing some paperwork, I went back to meet with the orthodontist, Dr. Vanderwall. He looked into my mouth and unsurprisingly he recommended a braces treatment. After the consultation, I meet with the financial coordinator to go over the cost of the treatment. With my insurance, the payment options seemed feasible to me so I gave a green light to go ahead with the treatment. We then began the compiling the diagnostic records, which consisted of "before" pictures, close up pictures of my mouth, and making a mold of my teeth. The toughest part was when the nurse stretched my cheek open to get close picture.  Then I was done for that day and scheduled to return on February 18th to get my appliances installed or braces put on in layman's terms.

I am nervous about the future dealing with braces and the life changes that come with. That's why I am reactivating my blog in hopes to document this event. I am also planning on taking daily/weekly photo selfies to document the physical changes I will undergo. I think it would be neat to see the changes daily. Besides the potential pain and discomfort and the list of food that will become off limits, I am also concerned about the possibility that this treatment plan may extend pass the estimated time frame thus increasing my cost. I am going to over look these concerns in hope of a better smile and a healthier mouth.

Here's to new beginnings and the cliche  New Year, New Me. Until next time.

When God Made Moms

By the time the Lord made mothers, he was into his sixth day of working overtime. An Angel appeared and said "Why are you spending so much time on this one"? And the Lord answered and said, "Have you seen the spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic; have 200 movable parts, all replaceable; run on black coffee and leftovers; have a lap that can hold three children at one time and that disappears when she stands up; have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart, and have six pairs of hands."

The Angel was astounded at the requirements for this one. "Six pairs of hands! No Way!" said the Angel.

The Lord replied, "Oh, it's not the hands that are the problem. It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers must have!"

"And that's just on the standard model?" The Angel asked.

The Lord nodded in agreement, "Yes, one pair of eyes are to see through the closed door as she asks her children what they are doing even though she already knows. Another pair in the back of her head, are to see what she needs to know even though no one thinks she can. And the third pair are here in the front of her head. They are for looking at an errant child and saying that she understands and loves him or her without even saying a single word."

The Angel tried to stop the Lord. "This is too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish."

"But I can't!" the Lord protested, "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can feed a family of six on a pound of hamburger and can get a nine year old to stand in the shower."

The Angel moved closer and touched the woman, "But you have made her so soft, Lord."

"Yes, she is soft", the Lord agreed, "But I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."

"Will she be able to think?", asked the inquisitive Angel.

The Lord smiled and replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason, and negotiate."

The Angel then noticed something and reached out and touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak with this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."

"That's not a leak." The Lord objected. "That is a tear!"

"What's the tear for? the Angel asked.

The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her disappointment, her pain, her loneliness, her grief, and her pride."

The Angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything! Truly, You do all things well... Moms are truly amazing!"

Happy Mother's Day!

By Erma Bombeck

Ten More Commandments

1. Thou shall not worry, for worry is the most unproductive of all human activities.
2. Thou shall not be fearful, for most of the things we fear never come to pass.
3. Thou shall not cross bridges before you come to them, for no one yet has succeeded in accomplishing this.
4. Thou shall face each problem as it comes--you can only handle one at a time anyway.
5. Thou shall not take problems to bed with you, for they make very poor bedfellows.
6. Thou shall not borrow other people's problems. They can better care for them than you can.
7. Thou shall not try to relive yesterday for good or ill, it is forever gone. Concentrate on what is happening in your life and be happy now!
8. Thou shall be a good listener, for only when you listen do you hear different ideas from your own. It is hard to learn something new when you are talking, and some people do know more than you do.
9. Thou shall not become "bogged down" by frustration, for 90 percent of it is rooted in self-pity and will only interfere with positive action.
10. Thou shall count thy blessings, never overlooking the small ones, for a lot of small blessings add up to a big one.

Do Not Hurt Yourself

One night a snake, looking for food, entered a carpenter's workshop. The carpenter, who was a rather untidy man, had left several of his tools lying on the floor. One of them was a saw.

As the snake went round and round the shop, he climbed over the saw, which gave him a little cut. At once, thinking that the saw was attacking him, he turned around and bit it so hard that his mouth started to bleed. This made him very angry.

He attacked again and again until the saw was covered with blood and seemed to be dead. Dying from his own wounds, the snake decided to give one last hard bite then turned away.

The next morning the carpenter was surprised to find a dead snake on his doorstep.

Moral: Sometimes in trying to hurt others, we only hurt ourselves.

The Law Of The Garbage Truck

Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it. And if you let them, they'll dump it on you. When someone wants to dump on you, don't take it personally. You just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. You'll be happy you did.

10 Ways to Embrace Change

1. Don't just do something; sit there. If you're facing a massive rescaling of your life, your first impulse will be to go into a whirring spin of activity. In the realm of language learning, there's a stage called the silent period: Adults may try to avoid going through it, but if you take a kid and plop her down in Paris for a spell, she'll naturally clam up for a few months. When she opens her mouth, her French will have flowered. Making sense of a major change is a lot like that. You need to allow yourself a fallow period before you can blossom.

2. Mother yourself a little. When familiar routines suddenly dissolve, it can seem as if all your supports are gone. It's crucial, while absorbing the shock of the new, to make yourself feel well taken care of. Prepare nutritious meals for the week ahead. If you can spare the cash, have someone come in and clean the house. Yes, you need to take some time for yourself, but don't let the pizza boxes pile up.

3. Ignore your inner reptile. There's a part of the human mind that is often referred to as the "lizard brain," because it existed in even the earliest land animals. The lizard brain is concerned with survival; it likes the tried and true, so it's likely to pipe up right now, flooding you with adrenaline warnings of "Danger!" as you veer off course. This was a handy function to have when deviating from the familiar path to the watering hole may have led to an encounter with a saber-toothed tiger. But in the modern world it's like a misfiring car alarm: pointless and annoying.

4. Silence your inner know-it-all, too. When I interviewed the eminent linguist Alton Becker, I asked what makes someone good at languages. It helps not to be too smart, he said, explaining, "Smart people don't like having their minds changed, and to learn a language, you have to change your mind." If you're so smart that you can't rethink your positions, all your IQ points won't do you much good when your life is turned upside down. Becker's advice applies across the board.

5. Seek out new perspectives. Zen practitioners cultivate the "don't know" mind; they work to assume they don't know anything and in that way see the world fresh. This is a great way to approach change―as an opportunity to start anew, to consider all possibilities. Ask naive, wide-eyed questions of anyone who is doing anything you might be interested in trying. Listen seriously to arguments you might once have dismissed.

6. Try something new and slightly scary. Why? Because now is the time to explore what it is that you really like. Catch yourself off-guard and see what happens. At a time when I was feeling most stuck, I spontaneously volunteered to get up onstage at an open-mic storytelling evening in New York City. The experience was elating and terrifying and showed me that I wanted to lead a more creative life.

7. Be skeptical of common wisdom. It's dangerous to live in the aggregate, especially when you're trying to figure out your next move. One year, everyone knows you need an M.B.A. to succeed at anything. The next, they're saying that there are no jobs out there anyway, so don't even try. In my case, everyone but I knew that you can't learn a language at age 43. But since no one alerted me to that fact, that's what I set my sights on.

8. Learn to live with uncertainty. When I began learning Hindi, my teacher encouraged me to get out and practice with native speakers in New York. I wound up asking a waiter for love (pyar) when I'd meant to request a cup (pyala). But in that way I inched into a new language. That anxious feeling does not signal that you're doing something wrong, only that you're trying something new.

9. Say "really?" a lot. When you start to turn this sudden shift in your life to your advantage, you might shake up a lot of people, especially the ones who aren't happy with how they're living. To them, your efforts to move forward may feel like a glaring searchlight that needs to be switched off and fast. To their descriptions of the terrible fates that will surely befall you if you dive headlong into a new life, respond with "Really?" Alternatively, "Oh, yeah?" works, too.

10. Shed your old skin. Discard physical clutter, tired ideas, old routines. Seeing things through another's eyes can help. I had that chance when the Hindi school I enrolled in asked me to list my daily requirements. I could honestly have said, "For the past 62 days, I've eaten pineapple sandwiches for breakfast: toast, butter, canned pineapple (sliced, not crushed). Bedtime: white-noise machine (surf, not rain), four pillows (two hard, two soft)." Instead I wrote, "None." It's only when you have cast off what has been weighing you down that you can finally move on.

The King With Four Wives

Once upon a time there was a rich king who had four wives. He loved the fourth wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to the finest delicacies. He gave her nothing but the best.

He also loved the third wife very much and showed her off to neighboring kingdoms. However, he feared that one day she would leave him for another.

He also loved his second wife. She was his confidante and she was always kind, considerate and patient with him. Whenever the king faced a problem, he could confide in her to help him get through the difficult times.

The king's first wife was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and kingdom. However, he did not love the first wife but although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her.

One day, the King fell ill and he knew that his time was short. Thus, he asked the 4th wife, "I have loved you the most endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?"

"No way!" replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word.

Her answer cut like a sharp knife right into his heart.

The sad king asked the third wife, "I have loved you all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?"

"No!" replied the 3rd wife. "Life is too good! When you die, I am going to remarry!"

His heart sank and turned cold.

He then asked the 2nd wife, "I have always turned to you for help and you've always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?"

"I'm sorry, I can't help you out of this time!" replied the 2nd wife. "The very most, I can only send you to your grave."

Her answer came like a bolt of thunder and the King was devastated.

Then a voice called out: "I'll leave with you and follow you no matter where you go."

The king looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, because she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved the King said, "I should have taken better care of you when I had a chance!"

• Our 4th wife is our BODY. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look great, it'll leave us when we die.
• Our 3rd wife is our POSSESSIONS, STATUS and WEALTH. When we die, it will all go to others.
• Our 2nd wife is our FAMILY and friends. No matter how much they have been there for us, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.
• Our 1st wife is our SOUL, often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the ego. However, our Soul is the only thing that will follow us wherever we go. So cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now! It is your greatest gift to offer the world.