Smart Blonde Joke.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.

What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my Car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

88 Things to S ay to Irritate a Republican

01. A Socialist wrote the Pledge of Allegiance.
02. Jesus healed the sick and helped the poor, for free.
03. Jefferson Davis and Robert E. Lee were traitors.
04. The South lost the Civil War, get over it.
05. The Founding Fathers were liberals.
06. Fascism is a right-wing trait.
07. The Earth is round.
08. Ronald Reagan supported gun control.
09. Reagan raised taxes eleven times as President.
10. Reagan legalized abortion as Governor of California.
11. Nixon created the Environmental Protection Agency.
12. Global warming is real.
13 Republicans hate illegal immigrants, unless they need their lawns mowed or their houses cleaned.
14. The military is a government-run institution, so why do Republicans approve the defense budget?
15. The Cold War is over and the Soviet Union no longer exists.
16. Paying taxes is patriotic.
17. Republicans: Peddling the same failed economic policies since 1880.
18. The Republican Party began as a liberal party.
19. The Presidents’ full name is Barack Hussein Obama and he was born in the United States of America.
20. George W. Bush held hands with the King of Saudi Arabia.
21. President Obama saved the American auto industry, while Republicans wanted to destroy it.
22. Hate is not a Christian virtue.
23. Jesus was a liberal.
24. Republicans spend MORE money than Democrats.
25. Tea parties are for little girls.
26. The Constitution is the law, NOT the Bible.
27. The President is NOT a Muslim.
28. Corporations are NOT people. People are people.
29. Fox News isn’t real news, it’s just a racist, sexist, hateful, right-wing propaganda machine.
30. The Federal Reserve was a Republican idea.
31. Women are equal citizens who deserve equal rights.
32. Women control their own bodies.
33. Abortion is a relevant medical procedure, just ask Rick Santorum.
34. Social Security is solvent through 2038.
35. Health care is a right, not a product.
36. Roe v. Wade was a bipartisan ruling made by a conservative leaning Supreme Court.
37. G.O.P also stands for Gross Old Perverts.
38. The donkey shouldn’t be the Democratic mascot because Republicans are the real jackasses.
39. Barack Obama ordered the killing of Osama Bin Laden. It took him two and half years to do what Bush couldn’t do in eight.
40. Waterboarding IS torture.
41. 9/11 happened on George W. Bush’s watch, therefore he did NOT keep America safe.
42. Republicans invaded Iraq for oil, so Iraq should be allowed to invade Texas to get it back.
43. Separation of church and state is in the Constitution, it’s called the First Amendment.
44. Muslims are protected by the Constitution, just as much as Christians.
45. Barack Obama is the first African-American President, get over it.
46. America is a nation of immigrants, therefore we are all anchor babies.
47. The white race isn’t disappearing, it’s evolving.
48. The Earth is 4.54 billion years old, not 6,000.
49. The Founding Fathers did not free the slaves.
50. The Revolution was NOT fought over slavery.
51. Federal law trumps state law.
52. The Civil War was about slavery, NOT state’s rights.
53. Corporations care more about profits than they do about people.
54. Getting out of a recession requires government spending.
55. Glenn Beck is a nut-job.
56. Republicans: Paranoid since 1932.
57. Republicans don’t want to pay for your birth control, but they want you to pay for their Viagra.
58. Fox News is owned by an Australian and has a Saudi prince as an investor.
59. Republicans complain about immigrants taking American jobs, then freely give American jobs to foreigners overseas.
60. Republicans hate communism, so why do they refer to themselves as red states?
61. Labor unions built this country.
62. Republicans hold America hostage as a political strategy; the temper tantrum throwing kind of political strategy.
63. Inside every Republican is a Klansman or a Nazi waiting to bloom.
64. Republicans only care about children BEFORE they are born.
65. Republicans are hypocrites, they’re just too stupid to know it.
66. The Christian-Right boycotts movies that have violence, and then promotes guns and insurrection.
67. I think therefore I am NOT a Republican.
68. Republicans that oppose gay marriage are most likely in the closet themselves.
69. Churches should stay out of politics, or be taxed.
70. People are too poor to vote Republican.
71. Democrats think for themselves, Republicans form think tanks to do it for them.
72. Republicans hate education because they couldn’t hack it in school.
73. Greed is one of the seven deadly sins and Republicans wallow in it.
74. A little socialism on the Left is better than a little fascism on the Right.
75. The current corporate tax rate is the lowest in 60 years, so stop whining about it being too high.
76. Republicans: Anti-Gay Marriage, Pro-Lesbian sex.
77. Republicans: Terrorizing the American people since 1981.
78. Republicans have their own terrorists, just look up Timothy McVeigh.
79. Republicans love outsourcing, just ask the Chinese Communists.
80. The Republican answer to the oil spill was to apologize to BP, a foreign oil company.
81. Democrats will be working hard to bring jobs to Americans, while the Republicans tea bag each other in the middle of the aisles.
82. Voter disenfranchisement is immoral and un-American, that’s why Republicans do it.
83. Republicans would let your house burn down unless you pay them to put it out.
84. Democrats want to take care of the sick. Republicans take their credit cards and then deny them medical attention.
85. Republicans say teachers are union thugs, then proceed to rape and mug the entire middle class on behalf of corporations.
86. Republicans think rape isn’t a crime, but miscarriages are.
87. Republicans are idiots and arguing with them is a waste of time!
88. President Obama was rightfully re-elected to a second term.

Bottom line? If you want to anger a conservative, tell them the truth.

Each Morning When I Open My Eyes

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.  – Groucho Marx

Rules for the Year

1. Make realistic goals for yourself, write them down, pray about them and try to achieve them.
2. Go through your cell phone, caller id, calendar and email addresses and discard the people and events that mean you no good or don't benefit your life.
3. If you are between the ages of 25-35 please start listening to more than Hip-Hop and Pop!
4. Take care of your kids and devote a weekend or two when you spend "quality" time with them. Who cares if you miss out on a "mix"! You can party anytime!
5. Get your debt in order!
6. Stop trying to validate reasons for what is wrong. Wrong is just flat out wrong.
7. Don't try to impress people that don't matter.
8. Don't spread senseless rumors or be a pot stirrer. Try to get your own life in order!
9. Stop being someone's mistress. You can try to secretly call, text or creep in the most private way or place but you cannot hide from God.
10. Listen More. Talk less.
11. Don’t get above yourself or means.
12. Be a giver and not a taker! You cannot give with a closed hand nor receive with a closed hand.
13. Don't expect be on the receiving end all the time. You receive more when you actually give.
14. If God delivers you form a messy relationship, friend or situation, why do you keep PULLING THEM BACK? Let it go .
15. Tell people you love them!
16. Speak clearly and not ignorantly! Anyone can be a fool.
17. Stop waiting on Tax Season and save NOW!
18. Eat what you need and not just because you can.
19. See how long you can go without checking your cell phone when it's NOT ringing.
20. Be more positive!
21. Be considerate of others feelings. Appreciate everyone. Why do people put others down for the most ridiculous things?!
22. Keep your opinion to yourself! We all know what others should do, but what about you?
23. If you aren't in a relationship, it's not the end of the world! Self love is more valuable.
24. Broaden your mind!
25. Live life today like it's your last, love like God taught us and laugh.
26. Forgive! Forgive! Forgive! All of us have been forgiven for something. God forgave you.

4 Things you might not have known about your Cell Phone

FIRST (Emergency)
The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile network and there is an Emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly, this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.

SECOND (Hidden Battery Power)
Imagine your cell battery is very low. To activate, press the keys *3370#. Your cell phone will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your cell phone next time.

THIRD (How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone? )
To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following Digits on your phone:

*#06#

A 15-digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe.

If your phone is stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.

FOURTH (Free Directory Service for Cells)
Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 to $1.75 or more for 411 information calls when they don't have to. Most of us do not carry a telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation even more of a problem. When you need to use the 411 information option, simply dial:

(800) FREE411 or (800) 373-3411

without incurring any charge at all. Program this into your cell phone now.

I Choose To...

Today and every day is the best day of my life because:

I choose to make the most of every second of every day.

I choose to be happy regardless of the circumstances.

I choose to go the extra mile to brighten the day of those around me.

I choose to see only the good in things & people, and avoid dwelling on the negatives.

I choose to find solutions not problems!!

I choose to live free, in life and in spirit, so no cage could or ever will hold me.

I choose to fight for what's right, no matter the cost.

I choose to be healthy, and not give in to laziness.

I choose to put in 200 percent in every thing I do.

I choose to expect victory and success; failure is not an option.

I choose to spread love even on those who may not deserve it.

I choose to see the glass half full, because it is!!

I choose to give back and be grateful for all my blessings.

I choose to fight the right fight and win.

I choose to not let others negative ideas or opinions affect my choices.

I choose to be who I always envisioned myself to be!

I choose these things because, I am lucky enough to be able to choose, grateful enough to use the opportunity, and wise enough to know the difference between choosing and letting the world choose for me!

- Ignacio Handal

Ladies!

Your body makes you Sexy,
Your Face makes you Pretty,
Your Smile makes you Gorgeous,
but
Your Mind makes you BEAUTIFUL!