Since the beginning of time women have been saying that giving birth is more painful than a guy getting kicked in the testicles. Here is proof that they are wrong: A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, “It would be nice to have another child.” But you will never hear a man say, “ I could go for another kick in the nuts.”

A racist walks into a bar

A racist walks into a crowded bar. He looks around and sees a black man sittingt in a corner. The racist walks up to the bar, turns around and announces, "I'm going to buy everyone in this bar a free drink, except for that black guy over there!" Everybody is clapping and cheering for the racist and when he buys the last pint, the black man turns around, puts his thumb up and says, "Thanks buddy!" The racist is slightly puzzled by his reaction but doesn't pay too much attention to it.

The next night, the racist goes into the same bar and again, there is the same black guy sitting in the corner, so the man, again, goes to the bar, turns around and says, "I'm going to buy everyone here a free drink, except for that black guy over there!" The crowd are all ecstatic and are hugging and cheering the racist for his generosity. When he buys the last pint, the black guy turns around, puts his thumb up and says, "Thanks buddy!" The racist scratches his head and asks the bartender, "Why is that black guy thanking me when he's the only person I'm not buying drinks for?"

"Well" the bartender responds, "he owns this place.

Do I know U?

A man was in a supermarket when an attractive women waved, walked up to him and said hello. He was taken aback because he couldn’t place where he knew her from.

“How do I know you?” he asked.

She replied, “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”

The man though back to the only time he had ever been unfaithful to his wife.

“My God!.” He said, “Are you the stripper from my bachelor party who had sex with me on the pool table while all my buddies watched and while I licked whip crème off your partner’s boobs?”

“No!” she said calmly. “I’m your son’s grade school teacher.”

Getting It In

An elderly couple had been dating for several months when the man finally decided to broach the subject of physical relations.

“What are your thoughts on sex at our age?” he asked tentatively

“I like it infrequently.” She replied

The man sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned in closer towards her and said, “Just to clarify, was that one word or two?”

Hot Chocolate & Viagra

A man went to visit his elderly father in a nursing home. He noticed that the nurse had given him hot chocolate and Viagra. The man asked the nurse, "Why are you doing that?"

The nurse said, "The hot chocolate will help him sleep."

The man said and "The Viagra?"

The nurse replied " Oh, that keeps him from falling out of the bed."

A Busload of Politiciains

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer, after seeing what had happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole to bury the politicians.

A few days later the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The old farmer said he had buried them.

The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Were they all dead?"

The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."

15-Year-Old Comes Home In A Porsche

A 15-year-old came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that car?"


He calmly told them, "I bought it today."

"With what money?!" demanded his parents. "We know what a Porsche costs."

"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me $15."

The parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for $15?!" they asked.

"It was the lady up the street," said the boy. "Don't know her name. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for $15."

"Oh my goodness," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on."

So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting flowers. He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for $15 and demanded to know why she did it.

"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but I learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn't intend to come back. He asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did."